I can understand about a part of you not wanting to get better because you will no longer need your T. I just wrote that in a letter to my pdoc. It is difficult, but it is reality. I don’t think my T or pdoc would abandon me—part of being well would me I was ready to put some closure to the relationship. It does not sound like you are ready. That is something you need to talk about with your T—the feelings you are having.