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dalila said:
<font color="green">I feel so sick right now – panic attacks, nausea and all just roiling around inside me while tears fight their way out. I feel like I am choking and my heart pounds so hard. I don’t want to do this....

I don’t want to do the letter.</font>

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It sounds like you are not ready to write the letter! Could you hold off until you feel more ready? Please take care of yourself and don't let your T pressure you to do this until you are able. You set the timetable, not her.

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<font color="green">My therapist said this was important for me to do, that it is probably what I need to do to really heal..</font>

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Within each person is the knowledge of what they need to do and where they need to go in order to heal. It is for you to discover and decide what you need to heal. Your therapist is your guide and companion on your healing journey. But don't let her tell you what you need. Only you know. She is supposed to take her cues from you.

If this were me, I would pull way back and discuss some process with my T.

Hang in there, dalila.

sunny