I'm not in therapy right now. We can't afford it. I know I need it and it's like I'm making my husband my therapist which is a role he definitely doesn't want. lol

Avlady, I get these burst of love for my husband that are overwhelming...but I can also get burst of anger toward him, like he's the cause of all my problems. I know that isn't rational but it's there. I feel so guilty when I think like that.

I definitely "know" he loves me. We've been together 19 years. But just my stupid brain, over and over, saying that he's going to leave someday, that it will all just be too much to take...and he will just up and leave me. Or that he will stay forever and being with me will have ruined his life. Or that he only loves me because he gets to be in control since I'm such a screw up.

Totally irrational...I know.