Ab and Drunksunflower,
I can truely relate to looking at others with parents and feeling envy. I've had many / daily triggers, as both of you have probably gone through yourselves.

It still gets me to this day to shop in the mall, and I see stroller, young mom, and elder parents there...three adults to one child. Or the times I've had to drag my three young kids to the doctor alone, and I see how many bring their elders....or how tightly woven together some are with their parents and I'm utterly clueless what that looks like, except I'm trying to weave it with my kids and it's not coming out right.

I've had some who tell me 'you're lucky' cause their parents are abusive, or senile, and my little-girl-hurt I say in my head 'but they're still alive and you have hope', but I know it's pointless to compair cause all of us are in pain to some degree with our relationships. And one is not worse than another, it's just differnet.

But let me tell you, time doesn't make me feel any better about my parents death. just different. I hate those 'how long has it been' questions, that's the worst.

I feel badly for those who grew up with parents and had that long term relationship --- I suppose their grief is really different than mine. My grief is real, but it's based more on all I missed out on and all my kids have missed out on, so it's different.

[[[hugs]]] to you both.

One thing I did that really helped me last year, I went through two sessions of a grief group, like a 12 step, and that gave me some perspective on things now that I'm a parent myself. I found it more helpful than one on one for some reason....another in there was a motherless mother, too.

cause I wonder if you might find some 'onlies' because you've probably got feelings that are unique to that specific situation.