I am a 25 year old man. I desperately crave attractive women, yet feel I'll never be attractive enough myself to ever have one.
The strongest, most intensive desire I've ever experienced is to be with a woman that I find attractive, or to be a servant/slave to one (this is my lifelong fetish). I have other interests, hobbies and passions, but this is something I simply can't lead a satisfactory existence without.
The problem is, for the last 6 years, I have been in a downward spiral based on the ever increasing feeling that I am simply not an attractive enough man to ever get this. And when I feel like that, I become so utterly hopeless and lethargic that I practically cease functioning. Joy is sucked out of me and what is left is a wreck. And by now, I feel like that about 80% of the time.
I have also depleted my reserves of inner strength that would be needed to even give myself a chance. I am trapped in a cycle of self-loathing thoughts, and anything I could do (training, approaching attractive women, getting more social, etc) feels hopeless. I feel like NO MATTER WHAT, I will never get what I crave.
I have also tried settling for less, and dating a girl who was not what I dreamed of, but who loved me. It did not work. I tried to make myself attracted to her, try my fetishes to make sex good, and she did everything too to make me happy but it didn't work. I still craved someone I would be attracted to, someone who would take my breath away. So, in the process, I managed to break her heart and ego too. So much for settling.
I don't know what I could do now. Even the sight of a beautiful woman on the street is torment to me. I tried to see a professional but she didn't get my problem. I don't want to be like this forever. I want to live and be happy but right now it seems so far..