Hello Crook32: It sounds to me, from what you wrote, that going in-patient may be the appropriate step for you at this time. And you wrote that this would be okay with you. So what is stopping you, if I may ask? You mentioned you are starting "php" soon. Offhand, I don't know what that refers to. It is certainly unfortunate you received so little help from a crisis line. That is really deplorable!

Do you see a psychiatrist or therapist at the present time? If so, perhaps contacting them & letting them know how poorly you're doing at the moment might be a good place to start. Or, in the alternative, is there someone else IRL you can confide in? I think the main thing, right now, is to take some sort of positive action to address your deep depression. The chances are, it's not going to go away by itself.

I know that when you're struggling with depression the way you are, taking any kind of action to help yourself can be almost impossible. This is one reason reaching out to someone IRL may be important. They may be able to support you in taking whatever steps are necessary in order to prevent your depression from becoming even deeper & more intractable. Please reach out to someone for help. And, in the meantime, keep posting here on PC. Writing about your struggles can also be helpful. My best wishes to you...