Hi kray bray may, I'm sure you feel like you've got so much weighing you down right now, I'm sorry
And although maybe a lot of those things impact on the others it may be more helpful to separate them??
The first thing........the alcohol poisoning........could that have kind of resulted from drinking from a need to escape the things going on for you, or kind of self-medicating, or even not caring what happened to you because of.......???
And you can use it as an indicator that you need help, and with help you can move on from that/this period. And if alcohol is still a problem there is plenty of support with that, if it is???
As for the other things.......LOVE the fact you used "perceived" there!!!
Because it is SO easy to see things in black-and-white when you're down on yourself e.g. it was my fault, I am ugly, I failed...........so while I'm sure things are really hurting, that is seriously really powerful, hold onto it!!!
So yes, previous relationships..........maybe the wrong relationships for you or for you at the time, maybe a bit more equal fault in the relationships, and maybe some lessons learnt whereas you've got something to work with to make future relationships so much better.
And seriously DO NOT "beat yourself up" about some failed relationships in your life, OK?? They can/do happen, it's more in how you move on.........and you can with the right support and the right relationship in the future.
But you being you is much more important than relationships right now, and getting the help you need to overcome some of the difficulties you're having.
The body image.......well that may be something that may take a bit (a lot?) of work, that can be real tough, but it can be improved!! We can talk about that as well. And you know with some help with the depression that might be part of the work done for you anyway. Depression can leave you feeling SO negatively about yourself so if that eases a bit...........
Poor communication with your father.........details would help a little there........maybe it's something that could be resolved over time with changes in communication, maybe it's more about adjusting to those "doors being closed", learning to try to accept that and live your life for you including focusing on or finding more supportive people in your life.............I don't know, what do you think???
And lack of motivation.......I'm not surprised with everything going on for you
But that's maybe something you could work on now.............trying to push yourself little by little...........one step at a time...........or maybe a start would be by seeing a doctor or a T if possible...........
Just some thoughts though..............so come back at me with any details or if anything I'm saying isn't fitting or making sense.............

Alison