(((((( Justice ))))))))

I am sure that it is very hard for you to see that. I'm just wondering if all of the people involved know that it bothers you so much? What would they be getting out of tormenting you like this that would make it worth their time and effort to do it? Quite often there is a tendency to assume that people are doing things intentionally just to hurt you, when not all of them are. Leaving the knife in your mailbox was pretty ugly of your brother. Siblings are cruel sometimes, and I am sorry that he is like that. But maybe the neighbor doesn't realize how this hurts you. I don't know, but what if you told her that you really can't deal with seeing that knife? I'm assuming that the kid is old enough to be responsible with knives? Maybe you could also ask him just not to play with it where you can see.

There is a balance between being paranoid about people's intentions and giving too much benefit of the doubt, and I struggle with that balance too. I might be wobbling from one edge to the other, and confused about which edge I'm on, so please don't think that I am trying to make light of your situation. I just wonder if you might have a similar tendency, and if it might be easier for you if you can believe that most people around you are not intentionally trying to hurt you.

BTW, it makes perfect sense that you are triggered by an object that was used to hurt you. It reminds you of what happened in the past, right? What you can do about that is keep reminding yourself that it was in the past and is not happening now. You didn't have control back then, but now you do and it isn't going to happen again.

TC,
Rap