I really get what you're saying, because like you I've also had the older guy "daddy" (although I would have denied it at the time.) And I learned a lot from that. Truth be told though maybe you're advanced from me because I'm in an ET loop with an older male therapist still, however I will say it seems to be improving for me finally, and lately I can even imagine saying goodbye to him. I decided recently this is probably my last year before venturing out "alone" again, sans therapist.

Anywho, I think we do learn a lot being abused, but I don't know that it's all healthy. I came out of childhood some kind of F'd up, and then came out of a long term relationship with another abuser even more so. By my late 20's I had developed a lot of my current MI's, panic disorder, a long history of MDD, GAD... I don't think it was healthy, and now I'm on meds just to stay in a way where I don't fantasize about jumping off the top of the parking garage at the building I work at all day, or hanging myself above my cube.

I think that when you're used to abuse you tolerate it a lot more, but "healthy" people can just flip a switch and walk away, they have more care for themselves to put up with stuff. We have lower self-esteem maybe, think whatever it is is the best we can have... I dunno. I think it's good that you terminated for this reason. Maybe having more healthy and or truly therapeutic relationships can save you from a bit of depression and anxiety and start to break the horrible cycle? Maybe that's what therapy really should be in a nut shell?