Hello all
I am wondering if anyone is able to shed some light to what it is exactly I am suffering from, google search hasn't provided me with any answers and has left me feeling even more confused. Ever since I can remember I've obsessed over extremely insignificant things, at the time these obsessions seem like such a big deal and completely take over my thought process and ability to function properly it's driving me insane. I could give you so many examples of my symptoms but I'll condense it down to the few so that you get the general idea of what goes on in my head, when I was about 8 years old I recieved a bike for christmas, this bike was blue but I wanted a red one for some reason this caused me EXTREME anxiety I knew in my head it wasn't a big deal but I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong and pretty much felt like my life was over, it took me months of depression before I finally got over this, all the while knowing that I was being extremely crazy about the whole situation. When I was a bit older I used to collect and paint warhammer mini figures if any little tiny detail about them wasn't perfect I'd have to go over and paint them again, I knew in my head that things can never be 100% perfect but I never found any enjoyment in this hobby due to constantly stressing about things being perfect. I obsess over every little action I do thinking things like "is what I'm doing the right way to do this"? for example I can't even go to the grocery store to buy sugar or milk because I will be presented with multiple different brands to choose from and will be unable to know which is the "right" one to buy, I know this make absolutely no sense but I just can't shake the feeling that if I buy the wrong one something bad is going to happen. Recently I lost $20 out of my pocket, I know it's only $20 and not a big deal at all but I can't stop obsessing over it and feel like I can't move on with life unless I get the $20 back, completely crazy I know! If I have to make a decision in life I feel I need to research every single potential consequence of every potential decision thoroughly in order to make an informed decision, when I am not able to reach a definitive answer I suffer extreme anxiety and stress. I also compulsively spend hours of my day online researching my symptoms online in order to try find a solution to my problem, no matter how much I try to pull myself away from the computer I just physically cannot do it and become extremely anxious when I am unable to, this gets so bad to the point where I forget to eat and can waste a whole day researching which is very destructive to my life. Also I get extremely mad if someone touches my stuff like, if someone picked up my phone without asking me I'll get really mad and feel like my phone is now useless and I have to throw it out. Is anyone able to tell me just what the hell is wrong, am I crazy? I'm over these obsessions and just want to feel normal, HELP!