My wife contacted mine when I was in a particularly rough spot a few years ago. She had a release, so they actually talked instead of my wife just passing on info...

I guess it depends on why you are contacting the t, and why you don't feel it effective to go to the spouse. It also would make a difference if there was a release signed by spouse to give t permission to talk to you... (our the other way around if spouse contacted your t).

I find it more respectful to talk to suppose about it first, but i guess if it's a safety concern, going straight to t may make more sense. I dunno. Sorry.