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Ellahmae · Feb 13, 2015, 02:53 PM

Thanks for all the responses - it's opened my mind to some possibilities and actions that I could take/talk about/etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by My kids are cool

My therapy was a disaster for my marriage for quite a while there. As I became stronger and healthier, it was no longer okay that my H had to always be right, argued with me about everything when I resisted that, and how he thought and said everything was my fault. We were right on the edge of divorce, and I had already told him I wanted a divorce when he finally agreed to try marriage counseling. The good news is that marriage counseling was a huge success for us. He learned to take more responsibility, to listen and to discuss things more constructively. I am happier in our relationship than I have ever been.

So, that is my bad news/good news experience.

This gives me hope that this crap will work out and we'll grow stronger together and work through this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I actually encouraged my husband to go see my therapist and meet the man. He did and actually ended up using him as his own therapist which was completely okay with me; I sent him knowing that was a distinct possibility and really hoped that would be the case. I knew my husband would like him, would mesh well with him, and hopefully be able to work on his own issues while I worked on mine. (Husband realized pretty fast, by the way, that T would never have been my type and that T is extremely professional, so at least that resistance to my own therapy was quickly resolved.)

Our marriage has grown (not without growing pains

). Our communication is much more honest and open than it ever was before. With better communication does come more conflict at times, but it is conflict we are able to work through because we lay it on the table instead of just seething quietly about things. We've both grown as individuals, and at times my husband still feels a bit threatened my my growth (as I've progressed a bit faster and farther at this point), but the discussions about his fears and my growth are much more open and productive than they ever stood a chance of being before.

T has encouraged me to see if he'll come in. He's so resistant to it though. However, he has gone from, "No way in hell" to "I'll come say hi, maybe, one day"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

My h says there are 3 people in our relationship... :/

I have a feeling this will be where we are for awhile. Right now I'm just focusing on me and getting myself stable but stuff in the marriage is starting to come up and it needs repaired.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustShakey

Well, you could say my marriage is over because of therapy. I don't see it that way though. I decided I didn't want to be miserable anymore. Stbx, on the other hand is perfectly happy being miserable. Long story short, we are just not compatible anymore. You either grow together or grow apart. We grew apart.

Thanks for sharing. I think my biggest fear is the unknown of which direction ours might take.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soccer mom

When I started therapy over the death of my mom, my H thought it was making me worse. He was very concerned and even asked me if I was having an affair because I would be gone for about an hour after my session. He told me to ask T. what he could do to understand. She asked him to come in. That was probably 6 months ago and he now comes in with me once a month. It's been very good for him to hear how transference works and her perspective. And, she will ask him how I am at home and give her insight on how my mom used to treat me. I think it has helped him learn to tolerate my irrational thoughts and behavior and support me when I'm sad after my sessions. Because of him understanding more, I've been able to talk to him more about it.It did test our marriage but from my end. He kept questioning the therapy, my whereabouts and other personal stuff. So, the best thing that happened was for my T. to ask him to come in. I just asked her this week if he needed to come in anymore and she said oh yes. I think she recognized my strong feelings for her and didn't want them to interfere with my marriage, our communication, etc.

Very similar. I always spend an hour to myself after my appointments to go over, compose, think, etc. He sees me as getting worse - I see myself as getting better. He thinks I'm too sensitive. I think he needs to watch some of the crap he says, etc. I'm more open with my needs (a little more than I used to be) and he isn't a fan - one day I hope to get him to go in her office....

Quote:

Originally Posted by iheartjacques

In some ways it was worse, because I got better and did things better, so he needs to change to keep up. In other ways it's better because I'm more open. After telling T about stuff that I've never been able to tell anyone else, it gets easier to tell someone else a bit of it. He knows my depression is getting better and my anxiety is less, generally, except when I've hit some rough patches. But it's my safe place to dump my **** I only wish it was every week instead of every fortnight.

I never thought about opening up more to my H or it being easier - but it might help him see me a little differently than he does now - thanks for that insight.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

My partner and I are each in therapy separately. I think it's had a net positive impact on our relationship but with bumps and growing pains. We are more aware of our own and each other's issues and can be more patient and loving about our various quirks and faults. I think it has also helped us identify which issues truly threaten the relationship and which are annoying or upsetting but ultimately not such a big deal.

This is very helpful, thank you!

Quote:

Originally Posted by _Mouse

'marriages' are always changing and face times of pressure.
Another's insecurities are a different kettle of fish.

Thanks, mouse. You have a way with words that really makes me think about things differently.