I feel for u teal. I wish I ha words of encouragement or positivity or anything insightful but I just can't come up with it even for myself. I am sorry. But I did want u to know ur not alone in those feelings I am there as well. The darkness just overwhelms all. U should talk to ur T about this, I should do the same. Maybe this time I will send T that email. Neither one of us is in a good place and we should reach out no matter how exhausting it is. It's for the possibility of a better tomorrow a better future a better us.