Thats something I always tell people when they are feeling anxious, cant think clearly, got too much going on.. but yet I cant get myself to do it. I try.. but something in me just wont let it happen. I cant stop crying.. and when I try to talk about things.. it makes it worse and I feel like I am shaking like when one has the chills.

My scariest thought right now.. is that I just want it all to end.
I cannot deal with life right now. I am so scared about the biopsy, terrified of what they might find. Afraid for my dad coming home. And if something happens .. will I be blamed. Will I still have to have the heart cath.. and will they find anything with that.. what if I need surgery then if they do? And then.... I know this should be the last of my worries.. but I have been sooo looking forward to this vacation. I dont want anything to mess it up. I NEED this break away from stuff here at home. I need to feel some peace in my life. And if I dont take it now that I have it planned.. when will it ever happen? I just want to be normal, happy , healthy and feeling like I got something to look forward to in life instead of having to deal with my dads care, and my problems. I love my dad. I dont want anything to happen to him. I just cant handle making the decisions right now.

The wheels in my head go round and round.....