Hey everyone,
I just wanted to tell a short story about me & hopefully get some feedback. I'm diagnosed with, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, & add. Have an accounting degree, good family, I have my religious beliefs. I've taken various ssri's they just make things worse So therefore I don't take them. I hate my degree the only reason I got it was because its the best business one you can get, no other reason. I'm 24 currently live with my parents. They've given me the opportunity to be a day trader (I buy & sell stock) in the back room of my parents house. It's taken months of discipline and learning to get where I am. I'm almost about to start being profitable everyday, which is good. I can never see myself working for someone else, why would I want to do someone else's financial statements for them? The amount of money I would receive starting out & even building a career is not worth my time. Money has no meaning to me, I could burn a $1000 with a lighter & care less.

Kind of ironic, a person with so many problems able to manage $9000k trades.

Continuing on.. I have multiple made up personas in my head (my friend in real life, my medical doctor, the normal me, & the suicidal, depressed me). If I'm not focused on my work I'll talk to them inside my head for hours unless I'm focused on my work or a movie. Sometimes I talk aloud to them when no ones around. It's suppose to be a coping mechanism., kind of normal. It's just a Question answer type deal to help me figure things out.

I have also lost a lot of my feelings. Sociopaths don't think they're sociopaths & I don't think I'm one. My mind has gone through changes in the past couple years. I no longer feel sympathy for others, I don't expierence the emotion of love, which I used to. I am uncaring towards others unless I've known you forever. I consider others a burden. I have a social phobia as well so I avoid people, mainly because I don't care for others.

My view about life. When you are born you are dieing. I am 24 if I were to live to be 100, that means I have 27,740 days left until I die. 1/3 is spent asleep 9,246 days. 18,493 is spent awake and functional. All I have to do is hold off until that day & I can die or some how become a statistic in an early fatality which I would gladly accept. My main problem is just my own existence. But because of my religious beliefs, suicide would not end my existence... Therefore not solving my problem of existing. This makes me even more depressed.

I do have friends, they're are decent people, I never hangout with them because I don't like people judging me & my phobia. And I don't like people, but trust me I'm s pretty good actor when I have to be. I guess that'll wrap things up for now.

Thanks for reading and any input on my own thoughts are humbly accepted.