Thanks monkey. I feel like I should feel like a bad person because I am supposed to be encouraging people to live, not die. And its not at all that I want them to die; I just wish I had the courage to make a better effort to take my own life. I dunno, I'm really not in a bad place just keep having suicidal thoughts that aren't fleeting (no intent). I was simply waiting for my food at a restaurant and kept imagining myself blowing my brains out in the lobby. I don't have any access to this method, nor do I want to - it's just the thoughts that are appealing. I appreciate that you can relate (and admit that you can relate) to my feelings. I don't know. Let me know if you choose to send T that email. I'm sorry that you're in the darkness too.