I have a horrible sense of doom. Everything is as I don't want it to be, my body, my apartment, my whole life. I don't know what to do to make changes with my back this bad. I'm so heavy that my efforts at exercise in here don't seem to pay off. But I'm not consistent enough due to the horrible coldness in here this winter. All the layers make fast walking through narrow paths impossible. I just am so miserable and unhappy.