Thoughts about harming others are only thoughts. When you start abusing others, that is a sign that things have gone too far.

Talk to your psychiatrist about the meds. Some meds have side affects that could explain some of the weird thoughts. Maybe the meds need to be adjusted or changed.

I am sad to hear you made your mother cry and did not have any feelings. This also could be a numbing from the meds. Talk to the doc about this too. This is not what is hoped the meds will do.