Good morning.

I am a 39 year old male that was several years ago diagnosed Bi-Polar.

I rejected the diagnosis, figured like my family always told me I was just "moody"

After several years of battling, relationships not working (2 marriages and 2 LTR's, and several short term relationships nothing over 3 years) and some other very life changing situations (of my own doing), countless jobs (again, nothing over 3 years except for my current career(yes.. career. I do not want to lose this one been here 3 1/2 years!), I returned a year ago to see a Psych. I said nothing of my previous diagnosis, just sat and talked with her about my day to day, month to month life. How things were, how I handled things, my thoughts, feelings, behaviors.

She gave me the diagnosis of Bi-Polar with aggressive tenancies. I think there is some Anxiety in there too, but more on that later. I am manic at times (everything is great and nothing can go wrong!) and I have very angry outbursts. Overly so for the situations when it arises. I get very confrontational and demeaning.

So the Psych put me on Depakote ER, I started with 250mg, went to 500 and was pretty happy on that dosage, but still unhappy with the diagnosis. When the prescription ran out, I made an appointment but kept making excuses to change the appointment and finally just quit trying to go back to see her.

Well, now it is a year later. I finally went back to the doc. She re-wrote the Depakote, this time for 1000mg. I filled it today and having finally accepted the diagnosis, plan on continuing and going back in 3 months to see the psych.

The other side of this is I get very anxious in some situations, mostly negative situations (I am a Regional Manager and I have to deal with my guys when they do something wrong.. and that tears me up... bad, or when it comes to breakup's/conversations about negative things in relationships. in these situations I get extremely nervous, start shaking uncontrollably, talk extremely fast, cant think, sweat.. ). I feel certain my psych sees this, as I talked about all of this with her. I think she is waiting to see what the Depakote does before adding/adjusting or maybe it will help with that too. I dunno.

Anyway, I felt it was time to find a support community. Somewhere to talk about things and hear true thoughts on situations.

Thank you for being here, and thank you for letting me be a part of this!