A sudden sinking feeling. A feeling in your chest like there's a black hole in it and you're folding in on yourself, becoming small, insignificant and crushed.

I feel like the world is just watching me drown, like I'm drowning, sinking ever farther, but it's something I can't fight against so I just let it happen and get swept out to sea, far from everything. Everything is slow, like when you try to move in water, everything glides and all the voices are muffled and the world is distorted, like when someone shouts for you but you can hardly hear them because you're underwater.

I think slow, work slow. I can't feel anything but a deep sadness, or occasionally anxiety. I isolate myself from everyone. I drink more. I sleep all the time to escape being alive, or I can't sleep at all, it depends on if I'm just depressed or mixed.

When depressed I feel like there's no reason for me to continue to exist and sometimes get suicidal.