My thanks goes to everybody for support. I would again like to ask the question i asked in the opening post.

Would it be better for me to make my mother think I was drugged.

If i hadn't any episode again, her rememberance on this terrible event will fade as time passes. Not to say that she was present only when the episode finished and saw only aftermath of it.

Again, I simply have not strength and courage to say to her that my state came spontaneously.