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Originally Posted by nevertheless002
.....I was also wondering about one more thing. Let's say I am insecure about myself, my value, my worth, what if I would be doing help for others in such way, that by achieving it and by bringing a bit of sunshine into their lives I would confirm my worth, my existence.
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I see nothing wrong with that. What's that saying "giving is receiving?" You give out of the goodness of your heart and in helping the other person you feel a satisfaction that you did something good. Your self worth is bolstered.
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Originally Posted by nevertheless002
.... lets say the person, to whom giving a helping hand is my intention, doesnt recognize my effort, does not seem to accept help, for what reasons I dont know...
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Then you are NOT helping them you may even be hurting them. You should stop. If you are feeling good about overpowering/defeating someone that is sad and you need some T help with that. It is not a good feeling to be run over.
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Originally Posted by nevertheless002
I wonder, I know I am not doing my best to practice my attitude, but even if my feelings were monstrous manipulative bi**ches, the person would still be happy no?
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I don't see how.
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Originally Posted by nevertheless002
You can come to a point where the others don't want to, cannot, arent "capable" of accepting this help and that at this spot, You need to validate this person's autonomy and let him face their challenges as their own.... I am just going to preserve myself and my mind, my acts in a state that has the intention of helping this person, without any regard to whether it helps or not....Can I accept them as not being able to help themselves, Can I accept them without any demand for change? Just expressing my hope and wish for them to be happy and stay like that, simultaneously not harming the independence of their soul?
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Yes you can accept someone, even if they are "stuck" somewhere and do not accept your suggestions/help. I say this because I have had similar experiences with friends. But not just any friend. These are people I love. If love is not in the mix and your offer to help is refused you just walk away. Don't feel bad you did something nice for someone.
My situation was that I loved a friend who refused to hear my suggestions. It wasn't what she wanted for herself. I let her be, it's her life right? I never stopped loving her or being her friend. There is no one else like her and we understand one another very well. She has attributes that far surpass whatever help she refuses from me. She is worth holding onto and being there for her. Of course there are many times I have to say "I gotta go now" because I can't hear any more of it. The situation is dire and between my problems and hers sometimes we need a break of a day or two. Then it's right back to supporting one another in this messed up world. That is what it is for me but my ways of approaching things are not necessarily right for You or anyone else.