For at least a consistent week I have woken up very depressed and pretty angry. Mind you, my sleep schedule and med schedule has not been consistent (I have been tracking it), but right now I just have this uncontrollable rage. I would say I'm just grumpy, but I know that it's more.

There's days when I'm saying nasty things to/about myself and others inside my head. Very rarely does it come out though (thank goodness). Today, however, I feel like I have less control and could potentially lash out if triggered/annoyed by something.

Yesterday a friend was kind of pushing my buttons. She always does even though she doesn't mean to. She has the tendency to make me feel stupid or look like she is annoyed with me. I'll be doing something silly and she'll want me to stop when everyone else is pretty much fine with it. I don't like when I'm being harmless and having fun (which I rarely get to do) and people tell me to stop. Today is a day I would get angry and say something about it. The chances of me doing anything fun/silly today when in this mood are very slim though.

I just don't want to bite anyone's head off or do anything stupid. I'm feeling somewhat suicidal as well because I'm so sick of this damn Bipolar monster taking over. I seriously cannot always control it and I hate not having control. I want to win. I don't want this Bipolar to win my life. And it's winning right now because I'm so angry and depressed.

I have stuff I need to do today and don't know how to make myself. Already been laying in bed for an hour now!

I just feel like such crap right now. I don't wanna be that person who attacks someone who doesn't deserve it. I've been attacked before (even on these forums...which sucks since I only try to help) so I know how that feels. But we're all struggling so maybe those users were just having a bad night.

I don't know what to do.

Well, rant over.

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