gooddolphin, Hello and welcome to PC.

I read your story and I could see that you have a lot of insight into some things. I really believe that you know the answers as you seem very bright and you do see where you have made mistakes and that is good, however this relationship sounds very unhealthy and it is best that it is over. I really think that you did the right thing by ending it or letting it end. If he is a FtM person then that alone causes some confusion for him. Could he have been taking hormones in that process as well as that can be very hard on the body. I guess I am saying that I concur that it is best to move on with your life and not beat yourself up over this. Take any relationship as a learning experience. You are intelligent and I bet your future relationships will prosper and you do need to have support when you are in a relationship. Please don't second guess your feelings so much. I'm glad that you vented but do not take suicidal feelings too lightly. Please ask for help from a trusted adult. Please have confidence in yourself and be safe. Blessings.

The community liaisons and moderators are here for you should you need any help in navigating this site. Keep reaching out and I wish you the very best here at PC and in your relationships.