If it helps at all, I had similar feelings for my T a couple of years ago. I stayed with him, and suffered through. I have yet to encounter his wife and I hope I never do, because it would be so painful. But, I do have faith in the system and after much soul searching and work, I do feel staying in was better than leaving. The longing and pain lessens each time I open up and learn more. This T relationship has been wonderful and well worth the pain I have and am still going through.