That is great insight on your part that you can link your current experience to early emotional abuse. I often wondered why I had such strong feelings for my ex-t, and why I keep repeating relationships where the person is unattainable, or the other person is emotionally distant, or abandons me, or rejects me. It probably is connected to childhood but it is hard to see why. I had a great childhood with two parents who loved me. Maybe my feelings for my ex-t were really just because of who he was, a very attractive, successful, caring individual.
Although, I relate with you that I just throw my love out there all the time. It seems to not be reciprocated very often. Or I don't feel I deserve it for some reason.

If it gives you any kind of hope, or maybe it won't, Idk. But with my ex-t, he just up and disappeared and abandoned me when I was honest to him about my feelings. He could not deal with it, or his supervisor or someone else probably told him to just stop talking to me or something. Either way, he is gone and it tore me apart. It did break me that he left, he was a huge emotional support to me. I guess he did not realize this because he was far away in distance and we had only communicated by email at that point. Well after he just stopped, my pain intensified to the point that the only way I could see it stopping was if I killed myself. So I tried to and almost died. The last person I called was him. I had tried to get a hold of him all day, just to try and talk to him. He never answered. I finally left a message that I was taking the bottle of pills I had saved up right then. I still never heard back from him. Earlier in the year I had even expressed my suicidal feelings and that I had the pills saved up and he did nothing about that. Isn't that a t's ethical duty? I don't care if he had stopped talking to me, shouldn't he at least have done something about that? I'm so mad at him, and I hate that I can never have any sort of relationship at all with him. I would give anything to be in therapy with him again. Just to see and talk to him again. I don't care that the feelings are there or that they are unworkable. It would be better than everything I have gone through without him.

As for your thoughts about finding another t... I do have another t. I will not go through this again because it is a female t. The feelings I had for ex-t were due to an intense lack from my dad growing up. He was not emotionally expressive at all. Ex-t was everything my dad could not be for me. Plus there was a whole bunch of family enmeshment stuff. Anyways, it's not gonna happen with new t. The female stuff I have to heal in my life are over-involvement, enmeshment, codependency, and she was also the person to abuse me by her once a month craziness. So I get to work on all that now. In time, I hope to find another male t (maybe one who is not as attractive, good Lord), and work through the getting the stuff resolved about my dad and childhood stuff there.