I'm new here. I've posted a couple of times about how bipolar is messing with my job but today was the worst. I don't even know what to do with this stuff in my head, it all just keeps swirling and swirling....

I've never had a problem with anxiety before but I think that's what this is. And I guess some anxiety can be beneficial, what I'm feeling is not beneficial.

I accidently broke a machine today and my patient's daughter had to come over and call the company to get a new machine---on a Saturday. It screwed with my patient's schedule and I took quite a dressing down from the daughter. I have no excuse. I was trying to do the right thing but she said I exercised poor judgement. This was hour 1 of a 12-hour shift. She berated me several times and I felt like a piece of crap but I deserved it. I should have left well enough alone but I was trying to help and instead screwed everything up. I resigned from this assignment which is like being out of work until my company can find me another assignment. I'm so mad at myself.

I had previously told my boss that I was uncomfortable with this situation, too many things to go wrong, but my boss just told me it would all be ok and now it's not ok.

I don't know what to do with this stuff so I'm just dumping it here. I can't stop crying and I'm wondering exactly how stupid I am. I don't know if this is because of the bipolar but I know that the bipolar has been an extra high hurdle for me lately. It was all I could do to not break down in tears at my patient's house but I didn't....I waited until I was in my car on my way home.

I'm a nice person and I think that when someone is nice you automatically think that they're competent, or you want to think that. But I don't think I'm competent. It's a bitter pill to swallow because all I want to do is do a good job. I don't need to be the best or the brightest, I'm fine being average but what happened today made me feel and look like an idiot.

I don't know what to do with myself right now.