It is hard to remember the past at any age especially if trauma occurred. I am sorry you feel there is something wrong with you and that you want people to post hateful things. No one deserves that treatment. Loss of self esteem is one of the after affects of abuse. I understand but know you deserve better than criticism.

You were only a kid when abuse happened. No one should have to go through that.

Maybe your therapist is being honest by saying only what they can given the situations of abuse you mention.