Last week I attended the first Therapy session in my life after more than two years of struggling to do so for personal reasons (basically I feel my problems are not worth their time and they have more important people to deal with). So I had an hour long session and it went... fine. she asked some basic questions, I answered them, nothing eventful happened. The problem is that while I never overtly lied to her I couldn't make myself tell the whole truth thus I lied by omission. She got me to say more than I thought I would. I talked about how I have trouble with motivation, feel inferior to those around me, and have no friends to speak of in college.
What I did not say was how crushed I feel every day as failure after failure pile atop me as I continue to not measure up to expectation. I didn't tell her how I cannot accomplish anything because no matter what I do I fall flat on my face. I didn't tell her how angry I get in private over things that don't matter (games, movies, etc.) while in public I completely bend over backwards at the merest hint of conflict even if it does matter. I didn't tell her how unsatisfied I am with my life and how I see no hope for me or my future. I just kept her on the surface, setting up a network of diversions and defenses to keep her away from my fragile interior.
Continuing this of course would make future sessions pointless, so how can I just talk to her more thoroughly? It's not like I'm intentionally trying to waste her time it's just a reflexive action that I do without even noticing until it is already done. Thank you for your time and consideration, and I hope I did not bore you too much.