It's strange how bipolar can effect people differently. I can really see how it would hurt you that your boyfriend wont talk to you when he is in a state. The communication is a key part in dealing with mental illness. In order for this relationship to work with both of you having bipolar, yall will need to learn how to open the lines of communication. Your bf shutting down the way he does is very unhealthy for the relationship, and I know this from experience as I do exactly what you are describing here. It's something I am working on and I can tell you that it has caused damage in my relationship with my wife. I think you and him need to sit and have a heart to heart about your situation and try to see what you two can do to make this easier. Having bipolar and being in a relationship is difficult. Its double the work with you both having it.