I can understand your discomfort talking about this, since it's the same for me (though my intrusive thoughts are different). I can't even imagine in my mind to tell it to someone. But recently I decided that I'll go and see a psychologist, and I'll tell it in a way or another. A psychologist know that these thoughts aren't your fault and that you aren't the only one. He won't be shocked. Please, try to do it. Maybe you could begin telling him that you have something to talk about but it's difficult, and then if you want you'll go on, if not you can wait another time.
Wish you all the best You are not alone!