Hi Clan,
Many years ago I was very like you.Could
not understand why people were so critical and
cruel. Well,to answer that,they are like that because
they are extremely insecure,and extremely stupid!
Becaussseee,they think that to put someone down,
it raises them UP. How they figure that out,I'll never know. Anyway,there are some things you will
HAVE to do to get out of this self-condemning,
self-hating predicament you are in. 1.Anxiety: I had
anxiety for years,and considered it a 'living death'.
Then one day,not long ago,I found out I had TRANSFERRED anxiety I had felt with my parents
to the world at large. In short,the child in me had
'made it up', (without knowing,and at an unconscious level), thus the TRANSFERENCE !
Ah,the criticizing,and the betrayals? The misery I
endured through that was/is incalculable,so I know
how you feel. I had huge inferiority complex too.
Really,when I read this,it was me all over again,
but not now,thank God. Your bad opinion of self
is,of course,from your parents.There is a thing called,"The Auditory Imprints",which is all the
negative input from parents still running like a tape
recorder in our heads.So,if you are not at least in a
'neutral' state of mind,it will be all the recordings
still playing (you already have idea this is so).
O.K., that's enough of negative stuff,now some ways to obtain your freedom. No 1. Beg,steal,or
borrow money to buy these books on self-esteem:
"Honoring The Self", and "The Six Pillars Of Self-
Esteem",both by Nathaniel Branden. Also,you need
this one to help your self criticizing, "Self-Compassion", by Kristin Neff. I'm from UK too,so
it is good to help fellow Brit. Right NOW, hang on
to that info about 'Auditory Imprints', keep telling
self, "this is NOT coming from me,even though it
seems like it is,it is THEM inside my mind,it is
NOT MY FAULT!" Now,do get those books,look in
Waterstone's Marketplace, and you'll get them
second hand,which will allow you to buy them at
about half-price or cheaper. Hope this is of some
help to you,if you need anything clarified,message
me.
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE