Hi there there is a lot in what you say I can relate to. Medication may not be the answer. Pain killers don't heal a broken leg but I am sure you would take them until it had mended enough for the pain to be bearable. I feel the same way about psychiatric meds, I need to heal whichever way I can, but one in particular helps enough with the pain to stop me causing myself serious harm and get some kind of sleep. That has to be worth something. Good luck and best wishes.