I've lived my life in this sort of protective bubble, fiercely keeping anyone from getting in, and being too scared to come out myself. For some time now, I've been working towards becoming more and more visible.

Just now, I had a bit of a breakdown where I just broke into tears over how hard this work is.. I'm feeling really lousy and like I can't do it anymore!

Whenever I go out to the shops, I end up in situations where I blush for no reason and then have to worry about people making fun of me because of it - even if they just smile at my blushing, I feel awful, like they're making fun of my humiliation..

I was also supposed to take an exam at uni at the beginning of next month, but haven't been studying for it at all because I've been too mortified at the thought of having to go there - I suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which is extremely frustrating and humiliating. I thought about requesting to do the exam by myself so I wouldn't have to keep running back and forth between the ladies' room and a lecture hall full of other students, but then I was crippled by fear and shame of having only one person sit in the room with me overseeing the exam, and having all of his/her attention on me, and them having to go to the trouble of going back and forth between the study room and ladies' room as well.

I don't know if I can do this work.. How do you do it, how do you just walk into these situations where you know you're going to feel utterly humiliated! I feel I can't do it, but what's the alternative - never leave the house? I can't do that either, I need to earn a living..