memory can be a shifty thing. there are things that in general point to a possibility of abuse having happened...
i used to imagine similar things, though for me it turns out there was foundation to it. there were also other "signs" that now make total sense after the abuse was confirmed...
I still don't really remember it, but others do. we can block things out pretty effectively sometimes.
and I agree with candc, you don't deserve hateful/hurtful things written...
everyone does thigns for reasons they may or may not understand at the time. go easy on yourself.