It's only been recently that I became aware that the physical ailments I've had all my life were a direct result of my MI. I have severe PTSD and suffer from long bouts of depression and disassociation.

When I was a child, I had constant sinus and ear infections. When I was 12, I became practically incontinent as there were many times I couldn't control my bladder and would wet my pants - usually when I was at school. I now realize it was because of my mothers unpredictable fits of rage. I always peed myself when she attacked me, but then it started happening even when she wasn't attacking me. Deciding to play the Good Mother, she took me to a urologist who did some sort of surgery on me to fix it - total shock, it didn't work.

As I got older I started developing stomach problems. Usually, it was just this weird, unpleasant cross between indigestion and a stomach ache, but I couldn't eat - sometimes for days, because food seemed to develop a weird, very unpleasant texture that made me nauseous. I went to a gastrointestinal specialist who put me through all sorts of very unpleasant tests and found nothing wrong.

In my thirty's came the migraines and raging PMS. I was given all sorts of drugs that helped somewhat, but I was still miserable.

Shortly after I turned forty, all hell broke loose. My husband was ready to take our kids and leave. That's when I finally got help. I began EMDR and though it was helping enormously, I would throw up a lot, as though my body was determined to get rid of all the stuff that was coming out of those sessions. I was always underweight and usually anemic.

In 2002, I cut off all contact with my mother, and I continued to progress in my therapy and became much healthier, which told me I was doing the right thing. Everything I did was not for the purpose of hurting anyone, it was purely out of self-preservation - but anyone who knows my mother would tell you otherwise.

In 2009, I tried to re-establish contact with her, hoping that we could talk about the past and perhaps begin a mother/daughter relationship. I can't say 'again' because I knew we had never had a normal mother/daughter relationship, but the inner child in me just wanted her mom and I felt I had to try. Big Mistake. For the next 4 or 5 years I had frequent, uncontrollable diarrhea. I went back into treatment in 2013 and slowly it got better and the diarrhea eventually stopped altogether.

In September, my sister in law, Michelle, passed away. Knowing my mother would be there, I went to her funeral anyway because there was no way I was going to allow her to keep me from being there for my baby brother. My T and I worked hard to prepare me for anything my mom could dish out. What neither of us counted on was that she would change tactics. Essentially, she ambushed me shortly after I walked into the church telling me how sorry she was and what an ogre she had been, etc. etc. etc. Like the desperate idiot I was, I bought it and for the next several weeks, we tried talking on the phone, trying to come together. Again, Big Mistake. Since then, I sleep way too much, either because I'm exhausted from the effort or it's my only escape from the profound disappointment I feel. I'm sure part of it is also because I can't help but feel stupid for falling for her tactics yet AGAIN.

I'm starting to get past this latest episode with her. I need to tell her yet again to leave me alone, but I haven't quite worked up the courage. I'm betting when I do, my sleep patterns will return to normal.