I was seeing t twice a week. I took a summer job for four-eight weeks (can't recall) during which time I only kept one weekly appt. When I was ready to resume twice weekly sessions my t said she had not reserved my second slot. I said I was flexible with days and timing and if she couldn't give me back my previous time I would take another one.

She said she has no slots available at all. I was like, how's THAT possible???/

I had a gut sense that she was deliberately not making room to see me twice weekly. I further surmised it must be because of the low rate I had been paying her. I had a hard time making use of therapy for the next few months. I kept telling her it's hard for me to trust her. I kept asking her if the reason she's unable to see me twice weekly is because of money matters. She kept saying no. At one point she even said, ''You don't know me by now? I wouldn't do this cuz of money!"

For months I could not regain the level of trust I used to have with her. I kept asking if it's the money. She kept saying no. I kept asking for the second session. She kept giving excuses for not having it.

A few months down the road I cornered her. I had 'caught' her with an available slot. A slot that she offered me when I needed to work around my schedule.

That's when she owned up to the fact that yes indeed it was the money. That I had been paying such a low fee. And I asked her why she hadn't said this to me from the get-go. Her answer: She didn't want to hurt me.

I said I am more hurt this way.

Such betrayal of trust. That trust has never been restored.

When a therapist believes that white-lying will spare her client from being hurt, all it does is wear away the trust that's there.

Olivia, I can relate to your experience. It sux.