Hi borncatastrophe, I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now
But the "horrible", "useless" person bit...........there's no way you're going to make me "buy" that!!!
Few options for you here.......maybe it's as much the depression telling you that, and it can be seriously convincing in all the (false!!) negative things it can have you thinking/believing about yourself........to you that can be nothing but the truth.
Or
The depression has led you down "some paths" you would have preferred not to go down, now that does not have to be down to you, that does not have to be a reflection on who you are........that's much more about the limited options depression has left you with.
Or
You might have screwed up at times, you might have made mistakes, you might not be "hitting" your true potential yet.........but you don't need to be defining yourself based on your mistakes, there's going to be a lot more to you, and your mistakes you can gradually learn from........it's never too late........just as it's never to late too be coming closer to reaching your potential, and that can sometimes be a lot more than we think.
And maybe the mistakes have been adding to the depression too???

But obviously I am in agreement with you on the needing something to help with the depression.
And meds........if you need them.......well they can get you "in a place" whereas you can start to make real use of other things to help you too..........they don't have to be forever. Perhaps talk to your doctor about how you're feeling and some of the concerns you have about meds, there are some misconceptions about meds out there.........so maybe they can reassure you on some of those.



Alison