I´m not sure how to explain this, I feel very confused about it myself. Perhaps someone here at PC can give me some perspectives. I´m, as I wrote in another post, still a virgin and I´m 30+ in age. That´s embarrasing but I don´t want to lose my virginity with anyone anywhere. I don´t know really why I never took the step to see someone and have sex at a younger age.

I´ve thought about asexuality but I´m so to speak very normal in that aspect having sex on my own and having had that since my teens. As I feel I can do this rather well on my own, I don´t feel ashamed about it or anything, I don´t have the urge to seek out a partner. Perhaps I feel a bit disgusted by sex not wanting to be a receiver of anyone elses sexual urges.

The thing that disturbs me and that I can´t really understand is my rather frequent thoughts about other people having sex. "Other people" is always older women that I in one or another way look up to. I´m not thinking of having sex with them, I more of thinking about if they have a satisfying sex life themselves, if they have sex at their age (around 60-70 years old), if they have sex with themselves. I never think like this about older men or men at whatever age.

I don´t fantasize about those women like how they would look like naked, I don´t want to sleep with them but still, I think about their sex lifes. If I know they´re married, I think about if they still have sex with their husband. I also think about how and when they became sexually active, how they felt about it. I really can´t understand why I think about this.

I think like this only when I find them intelligent, having a successful career, they dress in a smart way. Embarrassingly I have had this thoughts about my former T and when looking for a new T to begin a new therapy, these kind of thoughts emerge again.

It´s not that I sit in session and think of a T in a sexual way but afterwards I find myself thinking like this. I think about a lot of other stuff going on in therapy as well but these thoughts bothers me as I can´t understand them.

I don´t think like this when meeting younger women in my own age, it´s only these older women that makes me think like this. Of course I can get some more brief sexual thoughts about a woman or a man or a couple but not at all in that range as with older women. I can´t really imagine myself having sex with other women but I sometimes think of this matter as some kind of latent homosexuality. Any clues to this?