(((((((((((((((((((Christina))))))))))))))))

I hate to see you hurting like this. And I'd like to think that you know you're not an idiot .. because you are the furthest thing from it. You're funny, and caring, and helpful and just such a good person, you truly are.

Happiness.... well its a tricky thing. I don't think that anyone really knows what constitutes it. Thats what makes it hard to recognize - esp people who are struggling like most people here. You know, you try and put on that "happy" face and convince other people that you're happy ... even convincing ourselves. Somewhere along there we lose track of why we're pretending, when we started, and it makes it more difficult to try and stop it.

Start with the basics. Spend time/talk with people that you care about and who care about you. Do things that you enjoy, not just things you have to do, or things that you feel you should do. Find something and put your whole heart into it. Volunteer somewhere? Join a club? Do something that will make you feel good about yourself, and how you are spending your time.

I know its hard. And i know that this search of finding something can sometimes make things seem worse if you dont exactly know what you're looking for. But i know for sure that leaving here, or running away from something... well its not going to help matters. Here, you have a community of people who care about you. Want to see you happy, and will do anything it takes to make you feel better about yourself. I most certainly am one of those people and you know that i'm here if you want to talk. Please don't hesitate if you're feeling bad ... i've been there, and you have been one of the people who have tried to help pull me out of it. Its okay to need the same thing for yourself - it doesn't make you self centered, or an idiot, or anything remotely incompetent or unworthy.

I think that what Pickle said about happiness being like a dog hit right on the spot. Try and be patient ... let happiness come to you, go easy on yourself.

You deserve so much my friend,
big hugs
xoxoxoxo Jacq