Hi Just.... Welcome to PC. I'm so sorry you've been going through all this. Your writing is very good. You have a way with words that drew me in and made your pain just about leap out from the screen.

What Avlady and ManOfConstantSorrows have said is very good advice. Seeing a therapist or psychiatrist can really help you. It's great that you're open to that. Please don't feel like you are less than others. There is more than one kind of intelligence. Just b/c you're different than others doesn't mean that you are less than others.

I hope you can find happiness and tranquility.