I have been with my husband for a total of about six years. Before him, I had been with others, and had other romantic interests. I think much of the "infatuation" stages in the beginning with all of them had a lot more to do with the intense interest in their respective personalities and the physical chemistry, more than...I don't know...the "butterfly" feelings usually depicted, or emotional attachments. Before my husband, I've never been broken up with...I'd always done the breaking, because I had no sort of sentimentality or emotional tie-ups a lot of people experience, and felt like I didn't want them tagging along with me forever, even though I like and love them as individuals. My head never lets my heart run the show, ever.

But love is a complicated emotion. It's different for everyone. It cannot be defined in one way.

Sometimes I wonder if I truly "love" my husband, because I see how other people function and act... But I do. I love him the way I do for how he is, and he loves me in the way he does for how I am. I love him for how he shows his love, and he for the way I do. And so on.

We didn't get engaged for five years because I was so hung up on this nagging feeling and question (even before knowing what schizoid personality was). It caused a lot of problems for us. But, it came down to: Do I want to live my life without this person? No. I want to spend forever with him, and I care for him, and would do anything.

I always want to be alone...with him.