Can you tell me exactly what this self-flagellation is accomplishing right now?

What good is it doing you to take on pretty much all of the blame? Is it making you feel better? Does it inspire you or give you peace to call yourself stupid and needy and big-mouthed?

You have a choice here. You can choose to be horrible to yourself and call yourself names that hurt your soul and make yourself miserable in the process.
OR
You can be gentle with yourself, acknowledge that you did the best you could at the time. That having needs is okay and that you can't make anyone give or do anything they don't want to. That it didn't work out because you need something different than what she could give and the relationship was built on sinking sand the minute she let the boundaries blur.

What would feel better?