Quote:
Originally Posted by Asiablue
Can you tell me exactly what this self-flagellation is accomplishing right now?
What good is it doing you to take on pretty much all of the blame? Is it making you feel better? Does it inspire you or give you peace to call yourself stupid and needy and big-mouthed?
You have a choice here. You can choose to be horrible to yourself and call yourself names that hurt your soul and make yourself miserable in the process.
OR
You can be gentle with yourself, acknowledge that you did the best you could at the time. That having needs is okay and that you can't make anyone give or do anything they don't want to. That it didn't work out because you need something different than what she could give and the relationship was built on sinking sand the minute she let the boundaries blur.
What would feel better?
|
I don't feel like I'm being that horrid to myself. I just feel incredulous at how desperate I was. Still am a bit, at times. I don't understand, I just. don't. understand.
And I don't necessarily think it's always doomed the minute the boundaries get blurred - like I mentioned to you last week, she's off doing therapy in bars with other clients who thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread - as heard from their own mouths, not her saying it. So THEY can handle those boundaries, and me, well I can't. That pisses me off, my own ineptitude.
Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
(IG) I think this emotional wave is coming from the flashbacks you've been having, not the therapy experience. The feelings of guilt, why didn't I act differently, why couldn't I control myself and other, it's my fault-- it all is strikingly the same as common recriminations surrounding abuse. There were aspects of your therapy that reflect these feelings, but I don't think it's really about your therapy. You're not to blame in either case.
|
I hadn't thought of this, and I definitely think there's something in it. I was having thoughts along those lines re flashback stuff, but no feeling guilty for example. But with this, the emotion of guilt is wreching at my insides.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaciRock
Why are you blaming yourself when you went to her for help? She was the professional not you. Why are you so sure she was resentful and out of her depth?
She may have been. She's only human. But so are you.
|
Because I am Olympic elite at self-blame and self-savagery, that's probably why.
She was resentful/out of depth. She terminated me by a text which I think pretty much sums it up. <not bitter at all...>
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Owl
I think many of us might have reacted to her the way you did. I crave from my T what your T gave you, all those hours, all that out of session contact. But I think the same would happen to me if she gave it, it would feed into some neediness. I don't think it was love and kindness, it was therapy conducted poorly. The boundaries are essential to good therapy.
|
Yes. I think that too, that a goodly number of people would have ended up in the same mess in the same circs. It crashes round inside my skull - the need to know why, why did she deliberately set out on such a stupid path. HOW CAN YOU HAVE ALL THAT TRAINING AND STILL ARSE IT UP TO THAT EXTENT?! Sorry, BrownOwl, I'm not shouting at you, I'm shouting at her really, because she would never really answer that (I asked a lot more politely) only said she had to change the boundaries for her health, which is not answering why she was so dangerously lax in the first place. I mean, it could never end well.