Yes, these are coming to the boil for me. I've over the last couple of days communicated with the voices in my mind, that tell me to shut up, or insult and confuse me.

T asked me once where these voices came from? I knew what the answer was, but I didnt' or was'nt ready to tell.

yes they come from me, they are/were created by me. How scary a thought is that? So much easier to feel as if they come from outside of me.

I've also felt a battle going on this week, a battle inside, I realised a lot of mental illness is faulty thinking. Thinking patterns put in place many moons ago.

A time when one is most vunrable and a "victim" of some of lifes harsh realitys can lead one into feeling victimised by outside forces for ever onwards. A feeling that society is out to get you.

Turning that around though, society may want to help you because of what happened? T isn't trying to win a war of wills, she is trying to help me.

My need to be a victim, helpless, rescued is changing. I'm begining to feel empowered from within. Begining to see the miracle of life and how it does what it does and if one becomes open to it can benefit from the beauty of life too, like others.

I'd not realised just how tight I've held onto my old beliefs, infact without awareness of faulty thinking one is left to live a life lonely and afraid, and unecessaryly persecuted by one's own hand.

The voices need me as much as I needed them, they need me to let them go.