Quote:
Originally Posted by pbutton
That is a great question. Such a strong reaction could very well be telling you something.
I am dismissive avoidant. This type of behavior makes me comfrtable. I also realize my life would be better if i could modify my maladaptive patterns.
In my experience, anytime I feel an overwhelming need to claim that something doesnt apply to me, it is usually because it is because it DOES apply to me, at least a little, but I am very invested in maintaining that it isn't so. When i genuinely do not agree or feel something applies to me, i can offer my opinion, or leave it alone. The inner rage is not there.
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Well, sometimes that is true, but sometimes it isn't. Gender stereotypes is one area where I have very strong feelings about something that genuinely doesn't apply to me. I get very pissed off when people assume that I react in a stereotypically female way - not that many people do assume that, at least not in RL.
I can't remember what the kind of attachment that I'm labelled as, based on online tests, is called. But to begin with, the tests are rather silly - you get fourteen questions about "do you tell the person about intimate things" and "are you afraid the person will leave you", and then they tell you that "you do not tell this person about intimate things and you are not afraid that they'll leave you" (or the opposite, as the case may be.) It's a lot like the joke "favourite colour" test where you get to choose one out of fifteen shades of colour, and then you are presented with the result, which is the colour you chose. Then, as I've said a bazillion times, there are more than four ways to relate to other people. I know I'm being glib here, but it really feels as if that's what they are implying. And then again, if we accept that there are only four types, I refuse to believe that it is the case that three of those are always and automatically maladaptive. The "secure" type which is what one is supposed to strive for is completely malplaced in most of our relationships - I had a colleague who told
everybody everything she was thinking and apparently never feared that people would leave her, and she was not a happy or well adjusted person at all. And there is absolutely nothing wrong if one is "avoidant" or "dismissive" and one's relationships function well anyway. I guess I just really hate anything that tries to force me into a mold (especially one that is based on psychological tests made on people in a foreign culture).
And no, nobody is forcing me to participate. And my T has never talked about attachment styles. (I bet my best friend, if he still is that, would like the concept, though.)
I don't tell my H about personal things and I'm not afraid he'll leave me. I tell my best friend personal things, and I'm constantly afraid that he'll tire of me. Likewise with T. I'm sure those are different boxes in the model, but neither is particularly bad or wrong, really.