Please, for yourself, wash your sheets.

Ditto what the others have said regarding making steps in the right direction!

I understand being afraid of getting better, but you won't lose your support by improving right? I suspect LCM will stand by you throughout the next phase of your growth and won't drop you because your needs are less?

Maybe it would help to make a list of what getting better looks like? For example:

1) Education
2) Rewarding job
3) More mature relationship with LCM
4) Boyfriend/girlfriend
5) More rewarding friendships
6) Inner peace
7) Independence
8) Self care
9) Pride in your body

and so on.

Whatever your list looks like can be broken down piece by piece, and achieved in small steps.