gooddolphin,

I have read a lot of your posts and I have to say that this young man at age 11 to 14 is not going to have the capacity to be what you have been asking him to be. The truth is he is not going to have any where near the maturity level to interact with you in the more adult ways you have been asking him to either. You have wanted him to show you empathy in situations that he did not know how either, his question of "I don't know what you want" was the truth. Actually much of the responses you have gotten from him and his behavior patterns are pretty normal for his age too.

True "empathy" is not really developed until much later, well after the teen years, and boys tend to be behind in maturing too. Empathy takes place when an individual has experienced certain painful challenges themselves and had to sort through the challenging emotions that come with experiencing some kind of profound loss. To expect someone so young like this young man to actually be able to "empathize" is really asking for him to give you something he is not at all mature enough to do.

Most of his behaviors are "normal" for his age because the teen years are all about learning about having friends, how to be as a person and most teens are narcissistic which is why a professional cannot diagnose NPD during that time period. Most teens are still in their "own universe" psychologically, there is just not enough life experience for this age group to be what you are expecting, even what he may be expecting as well.

The human brain doesn't finish developing until age 25, and the last part that develops is the frontal lobe decision making part of the brain too. So, even you being still very young yourself are still just learning and often the choices made are not based on a mature level "yet" because you have not fully developed "yet" yourself.

Dating someone so much younger than yourself like this is not going to be a "mature" relationship, especially at his age and for you to expect that and be so hurt when he doesn't react in a way that you feel is right is not being fair to yourself or this young teen. Your thinking about what he clearly is too young to give you as "abuse" is not what is really taking place. So, let him go and grow up, otherwise you are just going to continue to be disappointed.