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Old Feb 16, 2015, 02:23 PM
JustShakey's Avatar
JustShakey JustShakey is offline
WON'T!!!
 
Member Since: May 2014
Location: Arizona
Posts: 4,576
Quote:
Originally Posted by pbutton View Post
Actually, really really REALLY REALLY REALLY deep down, I don't agree with myself. I'm human and have the same needs as all other humans. But dismissive avoid ants are also self-abusive bullies. Better to be mean to myself and disavow any feelings of that nature, rather than admit to weakness. Any non dismissive feelings simply do not exist. (even though they do) So even the inner turmoil is sucked down under the surface, where it festers with no outlet. So we can have mood mental health issues even when "nothing is wrong" and we're totally "happy" with life. Go figure.

Yeah... Sigh...

That email from stbx has my brain on overdrive. He deals with his discomfort by pushing it outside of himself, being manipulative and abusive. And by care taking, oddly enough... I never saw that before... He's trying to 'take care' of me still... Though I'm experiencing it as intrusive and manipulative and selfish. Though part of me is feeling bad for not appreciating his 'care'.

Ye gods I have a lot to talk about tomorrow with T...

I guess I really don't want to be dismissive-avoidant after all. It would make me abusive. (Please note I'm not saying being dismissive-avoidant makes people abusive in general. I just see how that happens with me and stbx, probe mostly because we're not dismissive, just trying to pretend to be.)
__________________
'...
At poor peace I sing
To you strangers (though song
Is a burning and crested act,
The fire of birds in
The world's turning wood,
For my sawn, splay sounds,)
...'
Dylan Thomas, Author's Prologue
Hugs from:
catonyx, pbutton