Well, I've been taking some of the supplements that I used to for mood swings or sadness, and I feel a bit better. I'm still fed up with myself, though, and feel discouraged since I have so often tried to make changes and failed and so often sought joy and got nothing. I need better stress management. Meditating two hours a day in hope of great rewards is not appealing, even though meditating a little bit does help me.